I strive daily to find ways to expand the little minds that surround me. I have read all the statistics about how this is the time in our children’s lives to instill a foundation for learning. This foundation I am helping them build has to be strong and sturdy, ready to tackle the world upon entering school. I want them ready, standing upon tons of cinder-block knowledge and understanding, unwavering and ingrained in their beautiful brains.

After years of practice, the best method I have found is to incorporate letters and numbers into daily activities. Counting everything, pointing out letters while driving, reading, the list of ways to expand minds is endless. Each family and child are different, but for us, fun repetition during mundane activities sparks learning.

* We count breakfast food, for example: How many pieces of cereal in one of M’s spoonful compared to V’s spoonful? Which has more? Which has less?

* While trying to get ready in the bathroom I ask children to go find something in the house that begins with a certain letter. Sometimes I ask for two or three items, or maybe just one. This gets them focusing on counting and letter recognition.

* Ask how many words they can come up with that begin with a certain letter or sound. This can happen in line at the store, in the doctor’s office, just about anywhere.

* When children are challenging me while getting dressed, we make a game of it by counting how long it takes to put their outfits on.

* Z is too young to count, but we encourage learning by saying, “Put your left leg in the pants” and so on.

* In the car we search for letters in each child’s name or count the number of red (or whatever color) vehicles.

* French fries and pretzel sticks are great foods to make straight letters with.

* Weather and dates are talked about each morning. Before the blinds are opened they perch in a line, hoping to be the first to call out whether it is cloudy, sunny, raining, or windy.

* The children help with laundry and count the number of shirts and pants in their respective piles.

* Outside the games to be played with numbers and letters are infinite. We race, run, count, and search for letters hidden everywhere. Clouds become animals and letters, the fence even has a hidden “X” in it!

* Children are always around me while cooking and this is a great time to explain to them about fractions: 1/4 cup, 1/2 cup and so on. They may be very young but this exposure will help as they grow.

Basically, I have found there is a teaching moment in everything around us. It’s simple and forces us to talk, play, and learn during our days. That being said, I might as well jot down things that happen a lot that are, um, well, not so great in the parenting realm. I’m being real here…

My children are something TV junkies. I need a break, they are fighting, I have just about lost it, I do not hesitate in turning on a movie and letting them—and me—veg. Some days they may watch a LOT of TV. This seems to happen after long nights when sleep was replaced by caring for this child and that child, and that other one that was up multiple times. I do feel guilty, but find peace in a little quiet, knowing that after that movie I normally force a little learning.

My discipline is not consistent. Every thing I read states that being consistent is the key to good parenting. Sometimes I just don’t want to get up and put that child in another time out. I threaten with the best of mean empty threats, “If you don’t pick up your toys they will ALL be gone tomorrow!”  They know and I know it won’t happen. But, sometimes things just come out when limits are being pushed. I do strive for consistency, but this is reality, and I’m not perfect.

I sometimes swear and yell at the children. I find myself yelling for no apparent reason, just because I can and they jump at the sheer volume. Damnit is my favorite swear word. It’s not good that it slips and I am working on it, have been for a while now. “Damnit, stop fighting with your sister!”  “Damnit, would you pick up the toys!”  Sometimes I fear they may feel that their names have all been changed to Damnit (Hey, I’m human)!

I have countless times locked myself in the bathroom and cried, while children pounded outside the door, begging to get in. I stand under the shower head, at just the right angle where every outside sound is masked by the peaceful gushing of the water. I picture my head under a tranquil waterfall, my toned pre-pregnancy body is embraced by my loving husband (oops, this is NOT a romance novel, I need to get back on track…!!) and then my toes are tickled by the chubby, food encrusted hands of a toddler and my reality is quickly brought forward to center stage. But for a few moments under that water there was silence and I was escaping.

These are a few of my real parenting admissions. I have gone back and forth about submitting this blog, but it comes down to being real. We all have those days or moments. We should talk about things we do wrong and ways to improve ourselves and relate to each other—parent to parent.

When I was growing up, my mom always said that two kids were easier than one and four were easier than three.  In fact, every mom I have ever known that had multiple kids has said that the evens are much easier than the odds, even if that means more kids.  While this whole theory seems counter intuitive, my kids are at an age right now where it has crossed my mind that these seasoned mothers are onto something.

Allow me to explain.

When the first child is born, new parents are typically nervous.  Our whole world revolves around this new little person, and in many situations, there are two adults (or more if you include extended family) tending to this wee one’s every need.  In my own experience, as a stay at home mom, I was Avery’s only playmate and spent countless hours with him, one on one.

Life is grand, so let us add another.

Baby number two comes along, and this is great!  As the baby gets older, we have built in playmates.  Even the kids aren’t playing together, baby two figures out how to play alone as mom is still busy playing with baby one who never learned to play alone. What a delightful little family we have created!

Why stop there?

In waltzes baby number three.  Now we are outnumbered.  During the baby years, it isn’t so bad because babies one and two are still entertaining each other while we care for three.  Fast forward four or five years.  One and two still like to play, but they will not include three because she breaks stuff.  Or two and three build a secret girls fort and won’t let one in because he isn’t a girl.  Or one and three decide that they are riding scooters, which there are only two of, and two gets mad that she has to ride a bike.  The scenarios are endless.

While the Miller children are getting along in this photo, it is only because there is a puppy. And puppies are like having another kid. Everyone knows that.

And recently, we have discovered that our children argue almost always.  About anything.  Perhaps it is the end of winter funk we all seem to be in, or the fact they only got to go sledding once on a dusting of snow, or the fact that it is Thursday.  Whatever it is, the fighting is constant.  UNLESS…..unless there are only two.  At that point, we have happy playmates.  It does not matter which two.

Every time we add the third, someone gets ganged up on.  Always.

Usually it is number three, but that is neither here nor there.

So midwinter, somewhere around the 8^th or 9^th fight I have broken up for the day, I started fantasizing about baby number four.  Not because we need another baby.  Not because I long for sleepless nights and poopy diapers, or baby lotion and gassy smiles.  Peach fuzz for hair and milky breathe.  Tiny fingers and tiny toes.  No, not because of any of these things.  The only reason we need another kid in this house is so that everything is even.  We need four so that there is no odd man out.  So the fighting will stop.  The arguing needs to stop.

My husband, on the other hand, found this logic ridiculous and told me to take two aspirin for my baby fever.  We can borrow the neighbor kid for the day to serve the same purpose.

True, but the neighbor kid doesn’t smell like baby lotion.

How does the number of kids in your family affect their relationships with each other?

Now that my youngest is able to articulate his feelings more and that he’s asking “Why?” a lot, I decided to start asking some questions of my own.

How are you feeling? What does that mean? What are you trying to say? All of these are new queries I’ve indulged in asking the kids but especially my 4-year-old. When he gets upset and starts verbalizing his anger towards whatever is not responding well to him, I like to interrupt his blow-outs with some “Stop & Think” questions. Stop & Think questions are those questions that can stop a crying kid dead in their tracks, halt a screaming toddler and silence a deep-thinking 4-year-old. They act as a distraction, and the need to please sweeps across my sons face as he takes in my question.

First comes The Look. They stop and stare as if to find the answer in one of Dora’s backpacks, but then the most awesome thing happens. Stillness.

This is another great coping technique that has worked for me and my boys. If whenever I can get them to Stop & Think even in the height of their worst tantrum I can get them to identify and catch an emotion while it’s at its best. This teaches them that they are in control and that they can stop and identify their feelings and desires on their own.

The best part about asking questions is that it puts you in the know.

Over the forty years that Cindy and I have been married, we have had a variety of animals as part of our family.   Our girls grew up with a Mutt, an Old English Sheep dog, a Cocker Spaniel, and the last two have been Siberian Huskies.  Of all these breeds, probably our favorite is the Husky.  They are gentle with children and very much a family dog because they want to be part of a pack.  They were bred to be work animals, and to pull a sled through the ice and snow of the great north.  As a result, they love to run, and as a result are very hard to contain.

We adopted our Ralphie a little over 11 years ago.  She was a Christmas present for our daughter Emily.   We always thought (mistakenly) that when Emily went off to college or whatever after high school, that Ralphie would go with her.  Unfortunately, Ralphie has one characteristic that would not allow that.  She loves to bolt and run, which we just mentioned.  However, Ralphie can’t find her way home.  Our first Husky would get out every once in awhile, but she would come back home eventually.  Not Ralphie!

We built a 4’ fence, and she learned to climb it.  We put an invisible fence wire on top of the fence, and she still went over it. Yelping from the pain of the shock from the wire, but she still went.  When we lived in Bowling Green, Ohio, Ralphie received more than one ride home in the back of a squad car.   When she did run, we would jump into the car and go looking for her.  When we would find her, we opened the car door and she would jump in with this look on her face of “Thank God you found me.”

Another of her quirky habits is that she likes to scold you.  All of our girls have been met at the door, when they come home for a visit, by Ralphie scolding them with what sounds like “where have you been,” or “why haven’t called me,” or “it’s about time you came home.”  Even when I get home at night, she is usually there at the door with her scolding greetings.

I am going to miss that.  You see our Ralphie is very sick and won’t be with us much longer.   As it happens, our daughter who lives in Florida is home for a visit this week, and all of her sisters have been here this weekend.  It will be our family’s last time to be together with our beloved Ralphie.  If I didn’t know better, I think Ralphie planned it that way.

Does your family have a favorite pet? How did you handle it when they went to Pet Heaven?

Love this Michigan weather!!  These past couple weeks have brought us every kind of day you could possibly imagine—cold and windy to sunny and warm. Never knowing what lies ahead, the boys and I have been opting for more indoor games to keep us busy, games we play as a family.

My preschooler and I discovered just how fun puzzles can be. With puzzles designed for his developmental level, my son finds it so easy to put the puzzles together by following the picture and separating  pieces into groups: sides,centers and corners.  We collect all the puzzles we can find from Spongebob to Hot Wheels. I always stay with the 100-piece puzzle sets or lower. And we always take a picture of it when we’re done.

I’ve found these small box sets all over town and they always average around $2-5.  Last Sunday, I bought 4 boxes for $2.99 (50-100 pieces each). We cleared the kitchen table and spent the afternoon putting the puzzles together and making brownies. What great gifts these small box sets would make.

What family activities do you like to do on Sundays?

Recently a friend announced to me that she was going “Green.” I had to laugh. In defense of anything environmental, I agreed to help her rearrange her “old” style of living to this upgraded “new” style of life she had discovered. Being that she’s a single mom, all I could think of was how was she going to change her entire course of action with 3 kids in tow? So we started out slow.

The most obvious changes she made were (of course) buying organic, growing her own herbs and even making her own jam. I started thinking “wow, she’s really serious!”  It started to make me think of how I could make some changes in my life and in my kids’ lives to help them appreciate nature and all its splendor.

There are so many sites and pages and blogs about D.I.Y crafts and recipes for healthy snacks, you can never run out of great ideas. One idea I found on Pinterest is worth sharing. I found a recipe for homemade baby wipes!! I had heard of this idea before, but when I actually tried to do it, it was neat!! Four basic ingredients, all natural, was all it took to conjure up one of the hottest commodities in any family environment. (click the image below to see original post/recipe)

Needless to say, I found so many new and fun ways to make small changes in our family (along with my dear friend) that I’ve found myself creating my own ideas to save the planet.

How are you “going Green?” Interested in Pinterest?

While helping Rita and Ruby straighten their room the other day, I found a piece of paper that had an outstanding list written in Rita’s 5-year-old block letters.  It looked a little like this:

FUN THINS TO DO

MOOZEUM YIBARE  STOR CANAFORNA MIKDONALS SIM WITH THE DOLFIS PLAY BORBES

To the average eyes, this looks like a bunch of nonsense.  To the mother of her 3^rd child in kindergarten, this list was only moderately difficult to translate.

MOOSEUM – that one is easy.  Museum.  Rita likes museums.

YIBARE – this one was harder.  Library.  Rita doesn’t pronounce her ‘L’s well yet.  This one required knowing Rita’s speech issues.

STOR – obviously, the store.  Where we all want to be.

CANAFORNA – California.  Rita had California, Disney World, and Erie, PA on her list of dream vacations.  We have been to Erie and Disney.  California is her last to check off.

SIM WITH THE DOLFIS – She can’t pronounce her ‘W’s yet either, so I had to know this in order to know this was Swim with the Dolphins.

PLAY BORBES – They learn at school that ‘O’ makes an ‘ahh’ sound, so this was easy once I remembered that.  Play Barbies.  Her favorite weekend activity.

This list did several things for me.  First of all, it gave me assurance that Rita is working really hard at her writing.  The fact that she took initiative to write this list on her own, never asking for help, tells me she’s gaining confidence, regardless of her misspellings.  It also tells me that she is doing reasonably well at her knowledge of letter sounds.

It also showed me that she is still having trouble with her ‘L’ and ‘W’ sounds.  Good to know, because as a parent, we tend to fill in language gaps where our children falter.  A mother can translate for you what her child is saying nearly always.  I’ve actually always found it cute that Rita says ‘yibrary’ but I guess now that she is in school, we should work on that.  She also says ‘twip’ instead of clip.  Also cute, but it won’t be when she is 10, so we will keep practicing the activities the speech therapist sent home from school.

The best part of this list, though, is the fact that is proves to me that Rita is awesome.  She put swimming with dolphins on her list of fun things she wants to do.  And on top of that, she put the library and a museum in the same list, along with playing Barbies.  It shows me that she is creative, a dreamer, and also content to just play.  There were no video games on this list.  No expensive toys.  And while she lists the store as a fun thing to do, I also know she just likes to go.  She doesn’t need to buy things.

I love that she wants to go to California.  So do I.  And maybe I can foster this curiosity into a desire to visit all the states.  Or maybe the world.

This list makes me realize that, even at 5 years old, she has as many dreams for her future as I do.

She’s awesome.

What unexpected treasure have you uncovered about your own child?

So, like everybody else who made a New Year’s resolution to eat healthier, I had started improvising on the snacks. With a weakness for anything sweet & salty, I  immediately started diving into trail mixes and granola as options. I started to notice that my kids, instead of eating the chips and cookies, were eating my healthy snacks.

One day I decided to buy a variety bag of nuts (shells on) and a bag of plain roasted peanuts, mix them in a huge bowl and just set them in the middle of the coffee table. It was a hit! Not only were the boys loving them but they all actually hung out together in one place and watched a movie. It was fun to teach the boys how to open them and we used brown paper lunch bags instead of bowls to put shells in.

Another change we made as a family in our attempts to eat more conscientiously was to indulge in vegetables with cheese. I know having the kids eat their vegetables without anything added is way better, but in the beginning of changing one’s diet routine it’s always best to make smaller changes than large, drastic ones. I began with broccoli and cheese, cauliflower and cheese, then cold vegetables with ranch or carrot sticks with peanut butter. I found that when I laid out veggie trays and served up side snacks like these it was met with very little resistance. I was amazed.

Has your New Year’s Resolution turned into a ‘family thing’?

…I need it.  Just a little here and there, but I definitely need it.  Being a Mom is hard work, no doubt and hearing just a little validation from the outside world brings me up from the depths of meltdowns, blow outs, time-outs, sibling fights, and overall exhaustion.

Over the last few weeks my youngest, who is now 15 months old, started staying, “I love you” (It sounds more like “lub jou”).  Hearing that from any of my children is validating, most of the time. Now all four of them can say it!  When working very hard to make them a special treat, or just continuing on with daily activities, if feels awesome to look down at a child tugging on my pants and have them gaze up at me with adoration and say, “I love you.”  Out of the blue, unprompted, it just feels good.  They seem to know when Mom has just about had it for the day, and a loving look with a sweetly said, “I love you” can put a smile back on my face. It can erase frustration and subdue my own mounting meltdown.  They just know when I need an “I love you.”  That being said, some children spew this phrase as a way of manipulating a situation.  Muttered at a time of punishment it doesn’t negate the offense, but it builds confidence in myself that I am I’m doing the right thing by following through and they still do love me.

Trips out to the store, doctor, or anywhere can be daunting.  I mentally prepare myself for meltdowns and dig down deep for my patience to kick in high gear.  There have been many times where an outing was overall very good. My hair hasn’t been pulled out of my head, and sweat (even during cold winter days) isn’t forming beads on my forehead. These times people have noticed and said something to me.  I always get the usual, “boy you have your hands full” and “wow, you are busy!”, but on occasion I have heard, “they are so well behaved, you are doing a great job” or “you can tell that they are good children, keep up the good work”.  That freakin’ rocks when I hear that!  Just the validation I need for a while.

My Husband is a good egg.  He helps with the children the moment he steps in the door and is awesome at pitching in with cleaning or whatever needs to be done around the house.  He supports me.  Not always, he’s not perfect (and I’m far from it too) but the majority of the time, when I need it he senses it.  He’ll wrap his arms around me in a strong, loving embrace and tell me I am doing a great job.  He understands how hard days are and sees the effort I put forth in loving, teaching, and keeping up with the kids and house.

When talking with friends and acquaintances about—what else but—being a mom and our children, they encourage me and I try to do the same for them.  We trade parenting tips and lend support when needed.  It’s the support that helps in validating.   When I am dead tired, averaging 3 hours of sleep for the month it feels good to hear another mother say, “I understand what you are going through.”  We understand each other and know we are going through the same things.  It’s hard work being a Mother, and we need validation to ensure our confidence that we are doing the best we can.

One thing I learned from my child’s preschool teacher was how important it is for young children to develop fine motor skills.

Fine motor skills are the coordination of small muscle movements, say in the fingers, usually in coordination with the eyes . These skills are vital for such mundane, everyday tasks as holding a pencil, writing, coloring or painting, buttoning shirts or pants, cutting with a scissors, sewing, picking up coins—the list goes on.

Luckily, most arts-and-crafts projects that preschoolers love to engage in are great ways of exercising and refining those fine motor skills. And with Valentine’s Day almost here, it gives us a great excuse to do some of those fun crafts with our children. Below are a few I found

Do you have a favorite Valentine’s Day craft? Please share in the comments!

Make a “Heart In Hand” card.

www.enchantedlearning.com/crafts/valentine/handheartcard/

Make a “Hole Punch Heart” card.

www.enchantedlearning.com/crafts/valentine/holepunchval/

Make a “Shiny Heart” Card

www.enchantedlearning.com/crafts/valentine/shinyheart/

Or, just print out this pre-made Valentine for your Little One to color:

What are your favorite Valentine’s crafts? Please share!